Funny Stories

Funny with James & Anna

A collection of funny stories that we remember and wanted to share with everyone.

Being a great director

– You are such a great director, James!
– Is that because I allow you to do whatever you want?

How many kids do you want?

- How many kids do you want?
- The exact same number as you.

A useful present

– I’m thinking of getting you a small present because I think it will be useful.
– Useful?
I guess I was instinctively confused by the idea of a useful present for my birthday. Diamonds are not useful.

Being Capricious

- I can see you are capricious today.
- Well, it's not my fault that the sea is so wavy.
- It looks like it is mine.

Tickets to Royal Ascot

- If I’d get you tickets to Royal Ascot for your birthday, would you be thinking that it’s more of a present for me or to you?
- I’d be thinking that my lady needs a dress and a hat.

Small Jeans

James is trying jeans that I had said are going to charity as they are too small for him.
– They are too small indeed. Obviously, they are not mine. Who is this guy? I’m going to beat him up – he is quite small so I won’t have a problem with that.

Going to the Moon

Watching the First Man.
– Shall we watch something else? The film is a bit slow. They’re just going to the moon. I’m not sure what the big deal is.

Recording funny comments

Wait! It’s funny. I need to write it down first then I’ll carry on laughing. But at least I’ll be laughing many more times reading that afterwards.

The beauty of Instagram

It’s so good to see you on Instagram. Where you’ve been?

Getting away with the bin

– hm… Why is the bin so dirty? – I enquire once James got back with a dirty bin after throwing away rubbish.
– Oh I see. It doesn’t look great – James tries to scrape off the dirt. – It was dark in the kitchen. I know it’s not a great excuse but that’s the one I’m going to use to try and get away with it.

Masks

Helping James with fixing his mask.
– Oh that’s great. Such a weight off my ears.

Knowing everything

I feel like I know everything because everything I don’t know, my lady does.

Being smart

I’m very smart because I surround myself with smart people. When I have a question, I ask them.

Knowing what you want

I used to not know what I wanted. But after meeting my lady I know.
2 versions:
I want what she wants.
I want everything.

Best day ever

-Monday is a rainy day. We’ll spend it in the Louvre.
-Oh, my lady will have the best day ever.

Missing the toilet

I missed the toilet because I didn’t want to miss you.

Anna's Walk

Neighbour said that she recognises my steps by my laughter.

Learning about Space

As soon as you start learning about space, you have to learn Russian.

Small Mistakes

– so now we should find how we’re going to heat the bowls.
– Are we going to heat them? Ah you mean hit.
– Ah yes, hit. Sorry.
– don’t worry. I like when you make these small mistakes here and there. You are so perfect. It’s nice to see when you make these little mistakes.

How old am I?

James is looking at his travel insurance for Russia.
– lovely, it says here that I am 35.
– you are.
– am I? How old do you think I am?

Waiting for food

It was nice to be waiting for food while sitting in the restaurant. We had all the benefits of a date night whilst getting to eat pizza in the comfort of our own home.

Bands at our wedding

– Which bands or singers would you like to have at our wedding?
– Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, Maria Callas. But they are dead.
– Well, they’re not doing anything. They should be able to make it. I don’t think they have any big events planned.

Caring

– Be careful. Only joking. Don’t be careful. Be yourself. You’re danger-ful. And Care-Ful as in caring.

Restaurant Food

Looking through menu in France. Knowing how much James doesn’t entirely like uncooked meat or fish I say:
– Look! I think you should get Half-cooked tuna.
– hm… I’m willing to pay half price for half cooked tuna.

Talking To Young Friends

Talking to friends.
– You both are 18 years old. I’m old enough to have you legally as my children.

Scotland Yard

– Oh Scotland Yard. I didn’t know it was here.
– Me neither. I thought it’s in Scotland – commented James.
– Joking. Don’t worry lovely. I knew it wasn’t there.

Cruel Plan

– My cruel plan is that when we get to France, I’ll say to your mum how talented you are at piano and that you can’t miss a day of practice. We need a piano here. It’s only about James.
– Ah that’s why you are teaching me so patiently. You did say that you’re patient only when you’re getting paid.
Anna is laughing.
– What if it was true?
– Well, it is half true.

Doing Surveillance

– What if I was checking you out? Like doing surveillance when I’m not here. Would you mind? – Anna says
– No.
– Why not?
– Because you’d see how great I am.
– Are you checking me out?
– No.
– Why not?
– Because I already know how great you are.

Making life easier

I really need you to sit down and my life will become much easier.

Don't agree to anything

– But don’t agree on anything ridiculous.
– Okay, lovely. How will I know that it’s ridiculous?
– hm… You’ll know.
– Ah yes. I’ll think to myself ‘Would my lady approve this?’ If not – it’s ridiculous.

Torture

Looking at pictures of my previous wedding.
– Why is my wife walking with this other man? – James asks.
– Why didn’t tell your friends about our wedding? – Anna is giving the look.
– Okay, okay. I understand. I like when you torture me. That makes me stronger. It makes everything else seem easy.

Expecting Diamonds

– I expect diamonds for our anniversary.
– Will I get diamonds too?
– hm.. You might but how would you wear them?
– I’d put them on you. That way I can admire my diamonds whenever I look at you.

Moving & Singing

As soon as you start moving and singing, I know everything is good.

Excited about an unknown film

– I’m so excited about watching the film
– Yeah, me too. I wish I knew what it was.
– Yeah, I wish that too.

Hiding food

– Let’s hide these wafers so that we don’t eat them all at once.
– If we hide them, then we know where they are.
30 min later James is taking wafers out of the cupboard and starts eating one by one sipping lemon/ginger tea.
– I hid them but now I’ve found them.

Flowers

– I saw you, looking all so lovely and you were holding flowers. Thought to myself “Who gave Anna flowers?”
– Really? You thought someone gave me flowers?
– No, I thought they’re for me.

Getting Dressed for the Opera

James is dressing for opera by putting on beige sweater. Anna is watching and trying to understand if she likes it.
– Oh you want it darker? – James asked
Anna is still very confused whether she likes it.
– I’m only joking. It’s not up to you.

Let's Start Resting Early

– Which day are we waking up at 5am? (we planned to do a video at sunrise). – James asked.
– On Sunday
– The day when we planned to rest?
– Yes. We’ll wake up at 5am and start resting.

Titanic

I like that we’re in the same boat. I just hope it’s not Titanic – some other one.

Great Weekends

All our weekends are the same – great.

Anna's Business Mind

– I think you should contact that Russian tutor. I did consider teaching you myself but changed my mind.
– Why? Did you agree on a commission?
James does know that I’m very business oriented these days.

Resting after a long day

23:30. We’ve been busy every second of the day.
– Right, we’ll finish with this and go to bedroom to rest.
– Don’t be silly. Why would we do that?

Cats have different languages too

Around Primrose Hill, sitting on the bench
– Look! Another kotik
– Ks-ks-ks
– Ch-ch-ch
– I think that kotik reacted to you only
– That’s because he doesn’t speak Russian.

Anna's buying philosophy

– i think I’ll save on buying a flight computer for £76 and buy Breitling Watch with a flight computer in it for £8,600.

Flying off track

– Chronograph is basically a stopwatch so we can use that for flying for 1 min per 1 naut towards correct track.
– Oh yeah, that’s very useful for us as we spend a lot of time off track.

Flight Levels

– That’s why we can’t fly, we’re flying over Paris.
– Anna, they don’t want us to see Eiffel tower. They’re trying to stop us!
Few minutes later we still can’t figure out why MSA needs to be higher.
– Ah! Mountains are 8000 feet on the way. We’d fly into terrain.
– So we can’t fly through those? Good job we checked.

Getting Divorced & Splitting Assets

James:
It will be fine if we’re getting divorced. It would mean that we’ve done something right and nice in the first place – got married . And if we’re splitting assets, that’s good as well. It means we have things to split.

Weddings

– should have chosen this one as my wedding song. Oh well, there will be many more weddings to go.
– how many you think?
– 3-4.
– to the same people?
– doesn’t matter. It’s not about people. It’s about how good the wedding was.

What's modesty?

Modesty? I’m familiar with the concept but I never needed to use it.

By default you are great

James:
By default I think you are great. If I am silent and not saying anything, I am just thinking how great you are.

Alexa & Sex

– Alexa, what is a good time to have sex for?
– A contributor says it is 5.5 minutes
– Alexa, we like having sex for 20 minutes
– Sorry, I don’t know that.
– Well, you know now.

I Love You

Early morning. I start talking to James when his eyes are still closed.
– I love you.
– I love you too.
– How do you know?
– I remember from yesterday.

Christiano Ronaldo

About Christiano Ronaldo: the only charismatic thing about him is that he thinks he is charismatic.

Mayday

Mayday. Mayday. Mayday
Cancel Mayday. I found my pen after all.

Anna's Language

– I want you to have more than one dress.
– Well, I have more than one
– I mean expensive ones
– Now you’re talking
– I know my lady’s language. And it’s not Russian.